Copyright Huffington Post 2011
I thought I had it covered. That I knew that 'rationing' my time on social networking sites would somehow be an easy feat to achieve. But when an event occured in my life that rocked it, what seemed to bring me ease actually turned out to be the bain of my virtual-real intertwined life. As most people have experienced at one stage or another, a relationship I was in ended. It was one that I treasured dearly and even at the lowest points afterwards would not trade for anything. I consider myself lucky in a way because it didn't end for the reason that so many relationships end; infidelity. Proudly, I can say that I still do and will always care for the person who changed my life in only good ways. However, that is not to say that it wasn't rough afterwards. Oddly, it wasn't the first few weeks that were the hardest, as so many friends who tried to comfort me told me. It was a few weeks, then months, after, when it all became real I guess, that the reality of "it's really over' struck and sent me into a strange and foreign place. Like a rookie, I made the biggest mistake possible in today's world, I sought refuge on Facebook. If seconds were free I was online, clicking through all sorts of stuff that only brought up memories that, at the time, I didn't need reminding of. I would wait for status updates to get my 'feed' of the person I lost which for a few seconds would relieve the urge to have them in my life. Minutes later a cloud of silence would hover over me and remind me of good times which I was now missing terribly and I'd either get angry or terribly sad. Needless to say, this was a cycle that lasted for some time.
The day came when I was in my car driving home from work when I, like a trooper, sobbed all the way home and realised that what was getting me down wasn't just the causal effects of a relatively recently broken relationship, it was realising that something was up 'with me'. So, I returned to the internet but temporarily blocked Facebook with this little gem of information (which admittedly, I had a friend do). And I started to try to figure out what was up. Over the course of a few hours, I realised that I kept hitting sites that dealt with depression and the symptoms. So, after a few days of denial, I went and had a chat with my doctor and explained everything. What I realised over the course of the chat was that it was definitely more than just broken hearted blues. It was something that was present all along which I hadn't realised was there. I have depression. Luckily, a mild-medium form, but nevertheless I have it. And no, you can't get it from me (although, it would make an interesting superpower eh?). The wierdest thing is, I wouldn't give it back. When I think about some of the things I have done and 'created', I don't know if I would have been able to do them as well if I didn't have it. Anyway...
After I realised I had it, I read through numerous books that were instructional manuals on how to deal with it. Most of them were useful in one way or another, some were pain sh*t, but none had an outright perfect formula for me. One thing they all had in common was about exposure to negative 'energy' (if you want to call it that). I had touched on it before when I wrote about self image last year. Its this idea that being around things that make you feel about about yourself should be avoided at all costs. Social networking is certainly one of those things, and I firmly believe that this applies to all of us, whether or not you have depression is irrelevant.
It's strange to think that simply seeing what people are up to can cause lows and bouts of the blues, but it can. Come to think of it, the last thing that I want to hear, when I have nothing to do, is hear about all the great things that other people are doing...it just makes me feel useless. I say this as a grown man, I can't imagine how it must be for a teenager who is in that phase of their life where they are trying to find themselves.
Obviously, social networking sites have their great advantages of connecting long lost friends, keeping family in touch, and providing an outlet for people to share moments with their 'friends' and friends. I will not deny this and will admit that it is an invaluable facility we now have in the internet encrusted era. However, people should be aware that the 'feeds' we get from Facebook etc. are not a substitute for leading a real life. They should also be aware that living a life vicariously is not healthy for them or the people they follow. And despite what some people may say, it is not "people watching", it's 'hide and peep'.
Copyright NationalPost.com
Let me put it this way, imagine a conversation after a day of Facebooking, which I am sure we have all had, how would the conversation go the next day? Something like this...-Hey, how are you?
-Good thanks, and you? How was your day yesterday?
- Oh, it was ok, did you get up to much?
- Yeah, I went shopping, met some old friends for coffee and caught up on some episodes of...How about you?
- Oh, yeah, how did the coffee and shopping go? You seemed really excited about that!
- Really, I did, how did you know about that?
- Oh, I stayed in and watched you on Facebook, that old friend from your old Uni is a hottie! Reckon you can introduce me?
- Erm, maybe someday...OK, I gotta go and stand over here...bye :-/
My point is, is that this is a trap we can all fall into. Social networking is a past time that can become a lifestyle that can cause us to spiral into deep and long lasting depression. I was lucky in that I realised that this would happen if I didn't get off my ass and start to live life again rather than read about others lives all the time. If people spend their time reading the status updates and 'wall comments' of their friends, they can begin to live out those interactions in their minds and because typing often unwittingly omits context, can lead people to draw the wrong conclusions and force themselves to become self-alienated from the people around them.
I always give the examples of cyberbullying when I speak about the potential dangers of social networking, they are as potent examples now as they were then. Obviously, these dangers are a little different for adults as they are for teenagers, but not totally. If you have read some of the stories about cyberbullying and therefore some of the comments written by the bullies, we can brush them off as the typically cruel but seemingly harmless comments of pubescent teens, however in the eyes of their victims, especially more vulnerable ones, these comments out of context can be the push needed to put someone over the edge and make them question their own self worth and in more extreme cases, their desire to live. I would argue that even without a cyberbully the taunting that one can percieve to exist out of reading status updates can be equally as harmful, and thta applies to adults too.
Copyright NCLC Group4
This is why I cannot possibly overstate the need for people to balance real life with virtual life. The latter is not and should not be considered to be a substitute for human interaction. It lacks context in the majority of cases and it is downright unhealthy to use it as a window on real life. Some would say that no man is an island...similarly I would say that no man, with wireless, is an island and nor should he think he is just because he can 'poke', 'like', 'tweet' and 'RT' the mainland!
