Hello, My name is me and I am an addict...This is normally how those addicts anonymous meeting start isn't it?
19/10/2010
Well, to start off, like many smokers/reformed smokers, I began smoking at an early age. I was 14 when I lit my first, and last, Dunhill and didn't think much of it. A week later, with some friends, I had another cigarette. Some weeks later, this turned into a 2 or 3 per week ritual. Then a 10 pack a week 'thing'. Over the course of a few months, we were sneaking off during break times and lunch to smoke 1 or 2 cigarettes in a hurry out of the eyes of teachers only to return to our lockers and drown ourselves in deodorant or aftershave to hide the smell of smoke from our school uniforms (this was 90's Ireland, every second level school had uniforms). As the years went on, it was 5 per day, then 10 per day, and now, I am a pack a day smoker. While in pretty good health, with few of the typical signs of a smoker about me and arguably in the best shape of my life I feel now is the time to hang up my lighter and call it a day. Well...to be honest, this was something that me and my girlfriend, who is also a smoker, decided to do about 3 weeks ago. I am hoping my (our) smoking days are up.
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From the onset, there were a few obstacles. Firstly, my girlfriend and I don't live together and so neither of us are there to show any majorly consistent support and 'supervise' the other. This I have heard is paramount when giving up smoking en masse. Secondly, my girlfriend managed to get patches and I didn't...I settled for nicotine gum.
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I must admit, the first day hasn't been so hard. I have had a positive outlook on the whole thing and am stammering my nicotine cravings with cups of tea and internet browsing. Occasionally, I feel I'm getting frustrated but this hasn't lasted very long. The withdrawl hasn't kicked in just yet. Me and my girlfriend are constantly texting and calling to see how the other is doing. In fairness to her, she had misplaced her patches but is coping just fine without cigarettes, even though she currently lives in a house with a smoker and I don't. I'm using gum which is disgusting but is curbing my cravings for hours at a time. On the whole, Day 1 hasn't been the challenge I thought it would be. But, I've never tried to quit smoking before, so I don't know what to expect or what to prepare for...no number of 1st hand accounts can prepare I fear.
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20/10/2010
I woke up this morning not even thinking about cigarettes, unlike most mornings when I usually would have at least a half a ciggie before going to the bathroom. It wasn't until I decided to make a coffee in the early afteroon that I felt any urge to smoke. Instead, I reached for my gum and chewed away the craving.
My girlfriend sent me a text asking how I was doing with not smoking. At this point, I wasn't feeling too optimistic as I'd crave a smoke as soon as I stopped chewing the gum, but I still had the determination to carry on. She had found her patches and was in great form, was having no cravings at all and was very positive about their effectiveness. I really wished I'd had the patches at this point...the gum was starting to make me go crazy.
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A little later in the day, my cravings had passed and I managd to get down to some work for my class the next day. I only wanted to smoke when I was drinking coffee and quickly associated a habit by association. However, to not smoke when drinking coffee is one thing, but to not drink coffee, right now, is not an option. Sadly it is my life source when I do any form of academic work. I just decided to try and monitor how much I was drinking.
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21/10/2010
I just woke up late for a class I am supposed to be teaching in half an hour. The drive to the University is 45 minutes in heavy traffic. I'm stressing out. A smoke would be great right now! Luckily, my girlfriend called me just after 10am to say "hi" which was what actually woke me up. I'm not sure what time I got to sleep at last night, but it must have been pretty late because I just wanted to go back to sleep after the call.
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Class is over, no cravings in sight since this morning. Chewing the gum and it still makes me feel sick. Not going to chew anymore because I think it may cause me to be physically ill. Unfortunately, I haven't got time to go to the pharmacy and pick up some patches but have apacket of regular gum that might work...for now.
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I've cracked!! Been stressed out all day with various bits and pieces, and so decided, like a robot, to get into my car and drive to the shop and buy a pack of smokes. It's a real catch 22 because I feel so good after having a smoke but feel like an utter failure and actually want to smack myself upside the head. This is so much harder than when I set out to lose weight. But then again, I had tried a bunch of times to lose weight and failed because I hadn't worked out what worked for me nor was I mentally prepared those times for what hard work it really is. But, damn, I really thought I'd crack the famous '3-Day Hump'.
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Just told my girlfriend about my great ability to be weak willed. I don't think she is that surprised as she claims to have been on the verge all day...even with the patches but has yet to give in. I think she will make it just fine. I have decided to make it my business to go and get the patches tomorrow, I want to quit smoking (for good?) and think that when she arrives here to stay for the weekend, she might knock a bit of sense into me.
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26/10/2010The bank holiday weekend turned out to be tougher to get through than I thought. My girlfriend came down for the weekend and both of us felt the cravings eating away at us. As you might expect, we were both quite moody and neither of us had a whole lot to say that didn't end with the phrase "god, I really want a smoke!". Moreso me than her I must admit. I got the patches finally, they gave me a major nocitine buzz for about an hour and then curbed cravings for a bit. Still, I don't know what people rave about, they are not all that great. I still wanted to smoke, just not as much. We went out to meet some friends in my local bar and it was strange to see just how many people at out table smoked. Many would say that we should just have gone out and joined them while they were smoking, but I think we were both too vulnerable for that at this sag of nicotine free living.
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My girlfriend went home at about half past four today and I got a call to meet some friends for a few drinks. I managed to get through the whole night without a cigarette...up until ten thirty. I, once again, slipped and fell off the nicotine wagon but just for a minor moment. The cigarette actually made me feel ill...might have something to do with the fact that I was wearing a patch at the same time but then I decided to go home. This morning I told my girlfriend about the whole ordeal and she laughed, and righfully so. I was so annoyed that I had lasted the weekend and then got pwned by nicotine once again. I think I need to rethink this giving up strategy...I will find a way for it to work. Although, after how I felt after my cigarette last night, I won' be rushing for a smoke just yet. We'll see how things fare out in a few days.
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30/10/10
So I decided to pack in my efforts to pack in smoking...I just am not ready to give them up yet. It's too difficult for me to do right now and I don't think I'm ready for it just yet. A part of me thinks that I didn't really want to give them up yet. So I am going to give it some thought and maybe try again in the near future but first I need to decide if it's what I really want at the moment.
